If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
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