Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
