but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
