i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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