maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
