Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
How drunk are you?
Completed.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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