There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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