Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
