Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
