how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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