We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Randomize
