If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
COCAINE IS GR8
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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