Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
