Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
