What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
