I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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