how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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