For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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