I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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