I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
