Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
