I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Green mimosas i think yes
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
