I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
