Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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