wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
