so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
