I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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