I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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