This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
