Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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