I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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