Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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