I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
