no, he came in my armpit
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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