I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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