There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
