Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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