Im at strip club and am horny
Someone shit on the floor
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I think a kid would responsible me up
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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