I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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