He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
