i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
