Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize