Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize