apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
