Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
