I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
