it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
