i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
