I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
