my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
