I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
