I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
