filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
and you fell through a lawn chair
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
