I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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