Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Randomize
