A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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