So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
