1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
