Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
