Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
