(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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