I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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