This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
