Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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