at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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