My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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