dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Four minutes until I can fart!
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Randomize
