Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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