My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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