I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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